7-item random list.

Lately i have read lots of blogs with lists. The particularly eye-catching ones including, “A shopping list for when you’re broke”, “25 i wish i knew before i turned 25″, “12 people you are when you’re drunk” among others. Much as what is in these lists may not necessarily be gospel truth, it is to some and probably alot of junk to others. So anyway, from reading those lists, being humoured and learning a thing or two about how i can direct my thoughts and cognitions, i managed to come up with a list of my own that will probably shed some light on a few things here and there.
PS: This is the work of an overly paranoid mind. Carry on.

Things you should probably know.
1. You don’t always have to go see the doctor.
Many times you will not feel perfectly ok. You’ll have a little discomfort in your tummy, a slight headache, a less than perfect vision, slight imbalance, change in skin tone, a little change in your bowels, it doesn’t always mean you have a serious ailment that needs diagnosis and eventually surgery. Sometimes its just the heavy lunch that’s causing the tummy ache, sleep deprivation causing the body imbalance, stress that’s brought on the headache,. Its not always that serious and you need not worry much unless you have concrete reason to.

2. Your friends are not perfect. Most of the time we as humans tend to see ourselves reflected in the people that we associate with. This could possibly be because we have the same interests, similar backgrounds, mutual acquaintances, etc. Safe to say there’s a little of us in our friends. There is a reason as to why your friends are your friends. Sometimes though, we tend to expect too much from the friends that we have. Mainly because we expect them to be as perfect as we want them to be. Problem is they aren’t. Just like you aren’t. They will mess up and piss on you, offend you to your face, say something not so friendly to you, or about you, use your insecurities against you. That doesn’t mean they aren’t your friends, or they’re not as close to you thought. Simply means they’re human and on the same playing field as you are. Means you should take them off that pedestal you put them on. This though doesn’t give them the right to walk allover you and you the permission to let them.

3. Everyone has got SERIOUS issues that you could never begin to fathom.
In my not so many years on this earth i’ve acquired a little wisdom that led me to the unfortunate realisation that every person that walks this earth has a bunch of little monsters that come out every night to haunt them. Even the perfect somebody that you’d love to be.. Only difference is how we treat these issues. Everyone has a different approach to the nightmares that contribute to their lives. a).We have the whiners who go on complaining, crying about their problems day in, day out to everyone that cares to listen, or is cornered into listening. They tend to self pity and elicit sympathy from anyone and everyone because they feel the suffering that has befallen then is despicable and unknown to the world.
b)Then we move onto the attention seekers who use their problems to focus everyone’s attention onto them in form of sympathy and use this to foster their hidden agendas.
c).Then we have the smileys. My personal favourites. The people that will smile through a hurricane. Here’s a famous saying that goes “smiling on the outside while mourning on the inside”. These people will have the weight of the world on their shoulders but can still afford a smile. Also known as strong people. You would never know of their troubles, or if they had any unless they volunteered that information.
d).Then finally the seasoned people. These have been sundried by the world as we know it and have the scars to prove it. People who have had their share of harsh realities that they cease to have ways of covering it up. They may not intend to show how sad they’ve been or how thorny their past was but you can see it through their eyes, the bugs under their eyes, their perspective on things, the way they operate. They have been seasoned by the coldness of the life they’ve known and have nothing but hope and bitterness to hold onto.

4. Pain never gets easier. Physical pain, that is. It feels like a whole new experience everytime regardless of how many times you’ve gone through it.

5. You’re parents will forever be your parents. You don’t choose them. And from the looks of things you’d still choose them if you had the luxury of making that choice. We love to hate them but we all know we love them more than love itself.

7. Insomnia is real. That thing where you fail to sleep all night however sleepy or exhausted you are? It is real. It can be cool and a blessing when you have series to catch up on, an exam to get ready for or a deadline to beat but it can also be a real pain when the only thing you’d rather do is sleep. When The whole neighbourhood is asleep and you’re awake listening to your then scary thoughts..

Where Conservatism meets Transformation.

Society. ; a group of people living together. A group of people united by common interests or resources. A fashionable class of people. Companionship or company. << that is the definition of society. Granted, we all belong to a society. We all are part of society. Some of us are lucky enough to make society. In lay man language, society is where we stay, where we come from, where we were raised, the people that make up our lives. Our friends, parents, parent's friends, acquaintances, friends, classmates. . . . Everyone who knows us, or of us makes our society.

According to the Traditional African Society, everyone had to abide by the natural societal laws just because it was the right thing to be done and the consquences were incomprehendable, and simply because it was the right thing to do. Because the alternative was simply worse than what you had to do. For example in Ankole, for a girl to get married, she had to have intercourse with the husband-to-be's father so he could see how worthy she was of his cows. No one could dispute this cause it was the law. It was the way of life. Society, the people in the societies our ancestors lived in decided some things should be the way they are. Women were not allowed to eat chicken, eggs or any delicacies for that matter, men were to be the sole providers of their large homesteads, adolescent boys were to be circumcised, mothers were to nurture their daughters into wives and homemakers. . . . . Etc. All depending on the different cultures. No one could refute this because it was the way of life. The life they were born into, and the only life they knew.

But, this is 2013, the early years of the 21st century. Alot has changed. Naturally. For better, and for worse. Granted, society still remains society. But with all the feminists, civilisation, influx of western culture, international migration, alot has changed. And alot more is to change. People's mindsets haven't changed.. Women are still the backbone of the home, the ones responsible for the fulfillment of domestic needs and men are still expected to be the breadwinners, the ones that bring home the bacon. However though, women have acquired education, they have been exposed to the same opportunities like men, and they have been given platforms too so they can compete on the same grounds as men. The gender imbalance that was created by the pioneers of the African Traditional Society is slowly but surely fading out. Some may say for the better and others may say for worse depending on how they choose to see it.
The society has revolved so much that there's a popular saying that goes "what a man can do, a woman can do. . . " that empowers women to not only soar but to go far beyond what they could ever dream of. With the evolvenent of the African society, many aspects have seen to be changing leaning towards the western culture which is known to be quite liberal and gender indiscriminate. This is evident in clothing, lifestyle, foods, livelihood. . . Among others.
Problem comes in when the young generation that has been exposed to the new era where almost everything is in line with the western culture meets the old generation where all they know is what should and shouldn't be done, certain steps and criteria that should be taken to live upto the societal rules and regulations.
According to my modern day societal beliefs, a girl should be married by latest 26. By 26, she is assumed to be well educated, well conversant with the aspects of the world and has had more than enough time to find a suitable husband. But what happens when by 26 you are not married yet? Probably your education process took a little longer than you'd have liked, you haven't found the man you'd want to make a home with, you are not ready yet for a life long commitment, you are still climbing the corporate ladder, or you simply are not ready for marriage.??? Or will probably never be? What happens then?
That causes an avalanche of questions and snares from your aunts, to their relatives, to your friends, co-workers, neighbours, strangers who come up with all possible reasons as to why your predicament is as is. Probably no where close to why. Thing is, with the arrival of 21st century, people have the liberty to do as they please. As they see befitting. If not being a wife and/or a mother works for them, then so be it. . . . Or whatever the case may be. We want to chose the most comfortable way in which we can live this rather unfriendly life.

So many things we are going to do or are doing already won't sit right with our societies, but we will do them anyway because its better for us, suits us better or simply because we can. I only wish every one could just back off and let people be. Criticize what's wrong, encourage what's right, but tone it down a little when it comes to judgement and let people live their lives! After all we all got one life to live and can't live it in the shadow of society….!

15 minute walk home.

Lately i’ve been having lots of “grown up” thoughts. . . About my future, my home, my career, my life outside this protected shell. And its scary. So, before i left home, i made a promise to myself and to my room that i’d come back weekly. To try and hold onto the little that was left. At least, every two weeks. I’d held up to that till 3-4 weeks ago. It suddenly hit me that i hadn’t been home in 3 weeks. So on this wednesday afternoon i decide to go home. It was now or never. Felt like a year. The ride home felt different. But my home being in a small town, (village, as my friends and i prefer to call it), nothing seemed to have changed. Still the same old little retail shops, little kids moving to the shops, those clad in uniform moving in hoards, idlers doing what they do best, stray dogs, and the brown lame one that got hit by a little black car about 3-4 years back, the 2 mad guys, very narrow tarmac road, or whats left of it…chapatti stalls, the occasional exotic car that you haven’t seen around, cause you practically know all the people in that hood… Well, i’ve lived in the same place all my years. Same neighbours, same shop attendants, same mad men, same strays, same everything. But as i walked home from the stage, i started to feel the changes. They’ve been around for a while i was just enjoying my denial. The people i grew up with are now scattered allover the world. The cute guy i once crushed on is getting married, my childhood bestfriend kinda dropped out of school to get married…. Sucks. It all sucks. Neighbours have changed. My siblings, their friends, my friends and their siblings, all relocated. Guess its safe to say my generation is extinct as far as this little suburb is concerned. I walked for about 15minutes without waving at anybody, recognising anybody. Or crossing the road to hug somebody. I’m a visitor in my hood… There was a time when the only 11 families in this place all knew each other, ate at the same proverbial table and broke the same bread. The remaining 4 don’t look eye to eye!!

MORAL OF THE STORY!
Things change whether we’re ready for them to, or not. Don’t get stuck in an era that suits you. Make the new era suit you. In other words, get with the programme. Wish this place never changed. Miss my friends, my fam, my siblings, my cooler than cool neighbours, my bestfriend, and my childhood. But i know its now time to make myself a new life. My life, not my parents life. I’ll probably miss my childhood less.

Confusion from a confused mind! (inspired by mercy.)

So these are just my raw unfiltered thoughts. Been long since i last scribbled anything, anywhere. But i guess i still have some girth left in me. Here goes, >>>
I Somehow found a way of losing my love for writing and reading and series. The 3 things that defined me. I found other non-passive ways of spending my time. Things like twitter, friends, travelling that require more than a pen and a notebook. The deep and dark thoughts i often wrote down, now i started talking about. It actually turned out for the better. I guess. I made real good friends, i mean, i had them all along but i now actually gave myself a chance to know how special they are in my life. There’s this thing, like a concept, DISCLOSURE.. The more you disclose to somebody and let them help, which could be a solution, or just an ear to listen to, the closer you get. The more development that relationship gets. True story. If you’re to believe anything today, believe this. Coming from some one very bitter and mad at the world, i’m kinda sure what i’m blabbing about. All those bottled up thoughts, confusion, anger, depression, that made my writing fun and interesting broody and most of all, sad, i finally let out and cliché as it may sound, felt better. But that cost me my deep and dark writings. Well, can’t have it all can we. Now question is, is my current state of forged peace and contentment worth my dark and broody thoughts? Well? I’m soon to find out. Hopefully next time i get to writing, blogging, or whatever, i’ll have organised my happy thoughts into a little scroll with a ribbon on it! Hopefully.

Wishful thinking.

my race, your race.

“This life is a race. Only the swift reach the finish line.” don’t know where i’ve heard these exact words but i know i’ve heard them. No. Not from the Bible, and not from The 3 Idiots. Somewhere. Probably some self help book or a series with creepy guys raping innocent dead girls. I still don’t know. So anyway, life is a race. Thats not news. The only race where The finish line is different for every runner. To some, its the judgement day, others the day they die, and others the day karma finally catches up with them. Point is, you’ve got to reach the line. Sooner or later. And to reach that line, you’ve got to run. As in run. Physically, running has never been my thing. So i prefer to walk. And thats how i exercise. Back to my point, i decide to walk through my life. I mean, i’m in no hurry. Today comes, today goes and tomorrow comes. Same old stuff. Take every blow mother universe has to offer, and out of respect, i neglect to fight back. The sour pills handed over by my fellow runners, enh. . . But i do know where my line is. The day i get to meet my creator. I want my father in heaven to be proud of me. I try to live dilligently, love, be loved, care, etc. Cause i know i’m here very temporarily. With the recent discoveries probably very temporarily than i earlier thought. So, life bees short. The finish line for your race isn’t as far as you think it is. So make it a good race, a good run, jog, or a good walk. Henry David Theareau once said. . . “Taste the waters, feel the air, enjoy the season as it comes” ok not that, but something close. . . . I guess the message is clear. Enjoy your life as it comes cause believe it or not, you won’t be here long enough. And as you do that, listen to “born to die | Lana Del Ray.

I had to say something.

I’m going to take a risk. A huge risk. And write about love! Not that i’m going to write anything new, no i’m not. Same old ramblings! I highly doubt i can write about love seeing as i know a little above zero about it. Love is co-dependence.!! Depending on somebody else’s happiness to make your own. Yeah, atleast that i know. I’ve come to learn the true meaning of love lately. Not this “i’ll die if you leave me” crap. If you find yourself seeking someone else’s happiness to find your own, then you’ve successfully loved. I love my friends, i love my family. And i would do almost anything humanly possible to see they are not anything less than happy. Won’t say nothing about “being in love” cause lets face it, i’d be lying. . . . I just wish people would stop throwing around the word “love” like its some recently learned slang and only use it when its necessary or when its meant. That would probably put an end to world hunger and bring about global peace!!

Unanswered prayer.

Today, being no different from other days i woke up with plenty on my mind. Part of my morning ritual is trying to remember what i dreamt about and re-living it, remembering the events of yesterday, rewarding myself with a smile, a grin a frown where necessary and thinking this and that.. Today though, i caught myself thinking of unanswered prayers. My unanswered prayers. I wouldn’t say i’m a very religious person or spiritual or for that matter a church goer, no i’m not. I do love God, i dear God, i low he loves me too and watches over me. And i know that i’ve got to establish a relationship with him thats not based on my current circumstances. . . So this particular morning i’m awaken by a mean, sharp pain on my left side, something thats not new. Over time, i’ve learned to find my own means of relief and lying on where it hurts happens to be best. So i switch positions from lying on my back to lying on my tummy so i can ease the pain. A few minutes later, i’m all better and get back to my comfortable posture and the pain is back before i can settle back. In all this turning around, i say a quick prayer for the Almighty to lessen this burden now so i can have a few more peacefull minutes of sleep in the morning, so i can have no pain through the day, or through this month. Looks like the the pain’s getting more and more excrutiating with each breath and i find myself thinking “why do i bother,???” been saying this prayer for the last 5 years but it only gets worse. What did i do wrong? This is a cross i can’t carry anymore. . When will i be ok? This sets an avalanche of all the silent prayers i’ve said and wishes i’ve haboured that have happened to fall on dead ears. At the back of my mind i’m assured God’s timing is perfect, he’s never late nor early, he never slumbers neither does he sleep, but i can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t come to my rescue. . . So many questions i’d like answered, like why bad things happen to good people, why the most desperate prayers seem to go unheard. . . . Exactly How much longer do we have to wait? Questions i know i shouldn’t be asking and i’m pretty sure will never be answered. Swinging from left to right, shifting my weight to different sides to no relief i decide to get up and try other self made remedies. A glass of warm water seems to do the trick. Atleast i’m not sure i’m not going to pass out. I gently crawl back into bed hoping i can get atleast a decent hour of beautifull un-interrupted sleep. As i get comfortable, i say a silent prayer. Calling upon God to teach me how to pray, probably been praying wrong all this time. To teach me to be patient, after all Moses was in the desert for 20 years so what is 5 years? To help me hold on, to comfort me when i can’t take it any more. To look upon me with mercy and to hold my hand. To heal me and lessen my burden . . As i wind up with my prayer, i feel certain i’m not going through this ordeal again. I’m positive God’s gonna work on it and the moment i get up i’ll be good as new.
I believe in God. I believe he loves me. I believe he’s the only healer. I just don’t know when this will change.